Frenemy or Foe

I've just read in the Sunday Papers about Gwyneth Paltrow's mysterious unnamed frenemy and it brought back memories of a time when I had the exact type of person in my life.

I had moved back to my home town after living away for nearly 18 years. I had kept in touch with a few old college friends, via snail mail, birthday cards and the occasional get together during the years I lived away. So it felt good to be back with those I thought knew and cared for me, during a time when I needed friends and caring for.

I just slotted back into my 'old' life, picking up where I had left off all those years before.

I had an instant social life and a circle of friends, which helped when I was settling into life as a single woman.

There was one amongst the group who I hadn't had a particularly close relationship with years before, we were like chalk and cheese. The passing of time appeared to have mellowed her though and I was grateful for her company. Appearances can sometimes be deceptive can't they?

Over a short period of time we became good friends, I was always included in her social activities: which most of the time involved spending much time in local pubs, drinking copious amounts of alcohol. It wasn't my idea of a good social life, but it got me out of the house and stopped me thinking about the divorce.

During those booze filled pub nights I found myself having to stay clear headed to keep an eye on her, as alcohol would change her personality for the worse. She would get aggressive towards strangers and become loud and a bit of a bully.......I became the peace maker, the one who would make excuses for her behaviour. The day after I would laugh along with her at her previous nights antics and humour her..... but deep down I was beginning to dread the thought of our next evening out together.

Part of me was worried about being 'tarred with the same brush' but most of all I was scared of being alone, of spending Saturday nights in watching the TV on my own during a time when I needed company.

Gradually over many months her bullying became centred on me. I had started to feel very uncomfortable about our nights out and had tried on many occasions to get out of going..."I couldn't afford a night out"...."I'd had a busy week in work" - some of the numerous excuses I tried to use. I always caved in when she became aggressive during her phone calls to me, and went out with her to keep the peace.

I then began to realise that I wasn't inviting her along to anything which involved her meeting people outside our group of friends. If a works 'do' or family occasion was planned then I would tell her that I couldn't invite anyone - when the opposite was true. I didn't want to have her there.

The turning point for me came after about 12 months of me being home. I had always known her as a bit of a gossip, she was like it at school, and again I turned a blind eye to it. Unbeknown to me she was having a good old gossip behind my back too though.... which when I found out really put paid to the friendship. I found out from another friend that things I had told her in confidence were being talked about by her. Not only was she telling all and sundry my business, she was also ridiculing me in front of other friends and strangers alike.

From the moment I found out I finally made up my mind to distance myself from her...

And I haven't looked back since. I still see her about occasionally and I always give a courteous hello/goodbye, I also always give any mention of a night out for old times sake a very wide berth.

I likened having a friend like her to carrying a 5lb bag of potatoes with me when I set out to do some food shopping. When shopping for food you wouldn't put a heavy bag of potatoes in your bag before you left home would you? So why in life do we carry people around with us, allowing them to weigh us down along life's journey.

Dress Dilemmas

During the first week in September I am going to be going to a wedding - not just any old wedding I may add. My eldest daughter is getting married, and I have been given the honour of giving her away....... Dad's AWOL in Thailand, things haven't been that great between them for years.... long story.

She's not having a traditional UK church wedding and will be getting married, in Turkey, on a boat!

Dress dilemmas have begun in earnest!

What do I wear!?!

I'd ideally like to wear something long, floaty and cool. It also has to be stylish (In a mother of the bride way) but not frumpy and over the top (no OTT hats for this MOTB)

I've been scouring the local shops and internet to find my perfect dress but have so far found nothing..... Dresses I've seen have either been too casual looking, will make me look too old and frumpy or the materials not right and I'd end up a soggy limp mess half way through the ceremony.

In my head I know what I want, so I'm thinking that maybe I'll dust off my old 'unused' skills and make a dress myself - a unique Kari ensemble.

So now all I have to do is hone up on my sewing, dust off the sewing machine and look for a pattern I can adapt and material which will fit the bill.

Sim'ples.....or will it be!?!

Watch this space for tales of pricked fingers and wonky seams.